The Biscuit Song

Raised on Marieta, the funds low in my day
Rock hard and stale – inedible – till you dunked them in your tae
I used to yearn for Jaffa Cakes
Iced Rings, finger… in the hole
For chocolate covered Goldgrain, I’d give away my soul.

Ring a ring a rosie
Pink Wafers on my mind
Take care to stop the biscuits
Before your jeans rip from behind.

The fellas they came calling, with their Hob Nobs in their hands
Would I put out for a Custard Cream
Down at Wesley in the stands?
You can stick your oul Mikado, do you think that I am a slut?
No I won’t get down and run my thumb along your poxy Gingernuts.

Ring a ring a rosie
Pink Wafers on my mind
Take care to stop the biscuits
Before your jeans rip from behind.

Will you lick my Garibaldi, says he the dirty codger
And sticks his erect digit straight in my Jammie Dodger
Now I’m not one for moaning, I never was a whinger
But if he’s sticking something anywhere,
Make it a chocolate finger.

Ring a ring a rosie
Pink Wafers on my mind
Take care to stop the biscuits
Before your jeans rip from behind.

Well I’m clutching to my virtue, determined not to sin
Then the fecker goes and pulls out the Family Circle tin.
It’s all too much, I can’t hold back
He runs his fingers through my hair,
But only ‘cos he’s promised that I can eat the whole next layer.

Ring a ring a rosie
Pink Wafers on my mind
Take care to stop the biscuits
Before your jeans rip from behind.

So now he’s done the wild thing, he doesn’t want to stay
He says his stomach couldn’t take another fumble in the hay
‘cos it’s too late, the dye is cast
I’ve burst out through the seams
From one too many Chocolate Chip
And bastard Bourbon Creams

Ring a ring a rosie
Pink Wafers on my mind
Take care to stop the biscuits
Before your jeans rip from behind.

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