Granddad in his underpants, now there’s a shocking sight,
It’s not for the faint hearted, gran she nearly died of fright,
‘In my youth I was a hipster’, he declares, so very droll,
Oh Christ alive he’s 95 with a thong bet up his hole.
I thought I’d seen the worst of it, that perhaps he’d just gone mad,
But what came next made me declare his kacks were not so bad,
Jaysus there were ructions with the in-laws / when hubbie’s mother came for tea
And Gramps piped up and asked her if she’d ever pierced her g…
Well cups they fell off saucers, resuscitation was received,
then he spat out the dentures and they landed on her knee,
So there he was, a gob of gums and he sticks his tongue right out,
Oh Christ alive, he’s 95 with a gold stud in his mouth.
‘I’ll get herself a brandy’ says he with a cheeky wink,
Five years off a hundred and still kicking up a stink,
When he stood up we noticed how he thought he looked quite dapper,
The waistband of his trouser below his crack just like a rapper.
When I copped his tattooed arse, it had me reaching for the phone,
He must be going gaga so I’ll need to book the home,
He came back with the booze and we hoped he might start singing,
Oh Christ alive, he’s 95 seeking volunteers for swinging.
You have to give it up for Granddad; he’s a very modern chap,
And when he’s stretched upon his deathbed and begins the long look back,
Do you think he’ll weigh it up and wonder if it all went wrong?
When he first went out and purchased his Calvin Klein white thong.
Do you remember his poor long suffering wife when first he tried to shock her?
Ah shag it she said, I’ll join him ‘cos he’s clearly off his rocker,
Well they robbed the credit union and they made off very rich
Now they spend their days on nudist beaches wearing not a stitch.
A Sinead Hamill Original
Copyright – Sinead Hamill