SILENT NIGHT (Alternative version)

Silent night, holy shite,
So hungover, face deathly white,
Like a bad movie, flashbacks from last night,
Snogging the boss man, his hands on my tights.
I’m plastered on Facebook this morning,
With 2,000 “likes” by half ten.
Silent night, holy shite,
Xeroxed arse, dignity sparse,
The last Christmas party, I’ll ever attend,
Head stuck in the jacks now, beers not my friend,
I vaguely remember a striptease…
Don’t say it was me, dear God please.
Silent night, holy shite,
Video captured, went viral last night,
I’m stood on a bar stool with hardly a stitch,
My friend with her phone out, I’ll kill her, that bitch.
Would you look where I stuck the tinsel?
And the star from the top of the tree.
Silent night, holy shite,
Mortified…at the sight.
I can’t be let out ‘cos I drink like a fish
Delete the evidence, that’s my Christmas wish
I’m crawling back under the duvet,
And I’m not coming out for ten years.

© Sinead Hamill

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