The 12 Pubs of Christmas

THE 12 PUBS OF CHRISTMAS

On the first pub of Christmas
My work mate gave to me
A massive gin that was enough for three.
On the second pub of Christmas
My work mate gave to me
Two dirty pints and a massive gin that was enough for three.
On the third pub of Christmas
My work mate gave to me
Three Sambuca shots, two dirty pints and a massive gin that was enough for three.
By the fourth pub of Christmas
I started feeling pissed
So I staggered to the bar to order crisps
In the fifth pub of Christmas
I suffered awful wind after
Five bags of nuts, four Tayto crisps, three Sambuca shots, two dirty pints and a massive gin that was enough for three.
In the sixth pub of Christmas,
The boss he joined the team bringing
Two Roman hands, ten Russian fingers, six margueritas, 5 bags of nuts, 4 tayto crisps, 3 Sambuca shots, two dirty pints and a massive gin that was enough for three.
Outside the seventh pub of Christmas
I started feeling grim
Munching on kebabs I fished out from the bin
In the eighth pub of Christmas
The bouncers they said “No!”
As tsunamis of puke began to flow
On the ninth pub of Christmas
I got in the window of the Jacks
and poured a pint full of wine straight down the hatch
At the tenth pub of Christmas
I had a quite intensive chat
With a statue of Phil Lynnott dressed in black
In the eleventh pub of Christmas
I started sliding down the wall
My mate so pissed, she didn’t see at all
In the twelfth pub of Christmas
I passed out on the floor
After twelve slippery nipples, eleven Whiskey Sours, two Roman hands, ten Russian fingers, nine lewd remarks, eight dodgy snogs, seven Mickey… Finns, Six margueritas, 5 bags of nuts, 4 tayto crisps, 3 Sambuca shots, two dirty pints and that fecking gin that was enough for three.

© Sinead Hamill

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